New Year’s Lesson on Friendships

A new year is a fresh start, and a great time for students to think about the kind of friend they want to be. This lesson looks at what the Bible says about showing up for friends in real, everyday ways that matter.

Big Idea: Here are four ways to love your friends well and show up for them, no matter what:

1. Be happy when they’re happy.
2. Be there for them when they’re sad.
3. Be truthful, even when it’s tough.
4. Pray for them, and pray with them.

Bible: Proverbs 17:17; Romans 12:15; Proverbs 27:5-6; 1 Timothy 2:1

Opening

Let’s start with a Bible verse from a book in the Old Testament called Proverbs. A proverb is a short, simple, wise saying. It’s not a commandment (something God tells us to do), and it’s not a promise (something God guarantees will happen0. Proverbs are general guides for wise living. Most of them were written by Solomon, who’s widely considered one of the wisest people who ever lived.

Read Proverbs 17:17:
“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.”

Even though the verse says “brother,” this applies to guys and gals.

Let get a few of you to help me out here … what does it mean to be loyal?

[Give a minute to answer. If the students’ responses lend themselves to it, ask a follow-up question to push them to think more deeply.]

Those are great responses. Thanks for sharing!

I think this Proverb is saying that a good friend is always there for you—no matter what—in good times and in bad times. We probably all agree with that – it sounds pretty good! But what does that really mean?

Here are four ways to love your friends well and show up for them, no matter what.

The Bible also has some letters in it written by a guy named Paul. Paul had a crazy experience that led to him following Jesus. His faith led him to go all over the known world telling people about Jesus.

He would stay in an area for a while, explain to the people what it meant to follow Jesus, then help them organize themselves as a church. Paul hoped the followers of Jesus in an area would continue meeting together after he left town.

Often, Paul would hear stories about these places and send them letters of encouragement or correction. One of those letters was to the church in Rome, and we have that letter in the Bible in the book called “Romans.”

Read Romans 12:15a:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice…”

That seems self-explanatory, but I wonder if we actually do it.

It’s probably easy to celebrate when your BFF gets a good grade on their Chemistry test … but what if you didn’t get a good grade, and you studied way harder than your BFF did? It’s probably easy to congratulate your buddy who makes the volleyball team …but what if you tried out for the team too, and you didn’t make it?

It’s probably easy to high-five your friend who gets into the college they want … but what if you didn’t get into any college?

It’s easy to rejoice when things are great for you, but it’s a lot harder when things are tough in your own life. But that’s what a good friend does.

If something is a big deal to your friend, try to make a big deal out of it too. If they’re successful at something, try to celebrate it.

I know it can be difficult, especially when they’re succeeding at something you didn’t achieve. But ask Jesus to help you through your jealousy, so you can be happy when your friend is happy.

Let’s read the second half of Romans 12:15:
“… weep with those who weep.”

Most of you probably do this already, so let me just give you some thoughts on how to take this kind of compassion to another level.

When someone shares a painful experience with you, slow down and give them some space to breathe. Most of us avoid getting in our “feels” as much as possible; it’s a heavy, uncomfortable feeling.

But it’s also an important part of living life to the full and processing our pain. So, when one of your friends shares something like that, resist the urge to say something brilliant, and instead, just sit with them.

If you feel like you have to say something, consider things like this:

I know that’s hard to share. Thank you for trusting me enough to share it. I’m proud of you for sharing that. That sounds really painful; I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.

Those phrases may not seem very helpful, but they show that you are honoring your friend’s pain, and you’re grateful that he or she shared it.

Remember what I said at the start of our message today: you’ve got to be willing to take a risk to really love and serve your friends.

Read Proverbs 27:5-6:
“An open rebuke is better than hidden love! 6 Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”

Sometimes we avoid tough conversations because we don’t want to offend someone or hurt their feelings. In this Proverb, Solomon is telling us that if we really care about someone, we wouldn’t “hide” our love by not saying difficult things to them.

In fact, because we love them, we should be willing to say the things no one else will say. And because we love them, we should be willing to help them get the help they need by talking to the adults in their life who care about them.

Look, I’m not saying that you leave here and go blow up all your friendships by telling everybody exactly what you think they’re doing wrong or telling their parents everything you know.

What I’m saying is this: if you want your friends to live their best life, and you’re willing to help them, then sometimes you’ve got to be willing to have tough, honest conversations.

The Bible book writer Paul didn’t just write letters to churches; some of his letters were to his friends. He wrote two letters to his buddy Timothy.

Read 1 Timothy 2:1:
“I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them.”

You can pray for people even if they don’t know about it. But sometimes, the Holy Spirit will nudge you to ask them, “Hey man, can I pray for you?”

Pretty much, everyone I’ve ever asked that question has said “yes.” Maybe one in a million people will say “no,” and that’s okay… I do it anyway ☺

But if they do say “yes,” then you can ask, “Is there anything specific you’d want me to pray for?” Then just do it. Pray for them right then and there!

It doesn’t have to be pretty and poetic; just be honest before the Lord. You’d be surprised how God uses those simple moments to help people open up to God and share things that are weighing them down.

So those are my four ways to love and serve your friends:

Be happy when they’re happy, Be there for them when they’re sad, Be truthful, even when it’s tough, and Pray for them and pray with them.

In your small group today, you’ll talk about those four things. Then, we’ll give you a chance to share some other ways you can love your friends.

Don’t be afraid to open up in small group today. We were made to learn from one another. Remember, you’ve got to be willing to take a risk to really love and serve your friends.

[End in prayer and dismiss into small groups.]

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Who was your best friend when you were a little kid? Why were they your best friend?
2. Tell about a time you had a serious fight with a really good friend that eventually made you closer.
3. How can jealousy get in the way of loving and serving your friends?
4. How can avoiding your “feels” get in the way of loving and serving your friends?
5. Why is it so important to be willing to have tough conversations with your friends?
6. How can you make praying for your friends more a part of your everyday life?
7. What are some other ways you can love and serve your friends? On a scale of 1 (not much) to 10 (pretty solid), how good a job do you do loving and serving your friends?
8. What can you do this week to love and serve your friends better?

[End lesson]

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