Written by Aaron Helman & Nick Diliberto

We all share the same struggles with students who don’t regularly show up to youth group.

They attend our programs occasionally and randomly, but it feels like we’re competing for their attention. And we’re losing.

We understand that they’re busy, overcommitted, and exhausted. And there are a lot of ways we can help relieve the stress and anxiety. If only they would show up.

The problem is that they’re more committed to sports and other after school activities. Parents seem to reinforce this idea by also placing a higher value on them.

While you recognize the value of these activities, you know youth group offers students something unique. A deeper relationship with Jesus. Community with other Christians. Service. And so much more.

So you try to market better. You communicate better. You sometimes give students incentives to show up. And then most of the time it doesn’t work.

We’ve got good news and bad news…

The good news is that it’s probably NOT your fault. The bad news is that the solution will require several shifts in the way you think about ministry to youth. You can either resist them or work with them. The choice is yours.

Now, let’s talk about some of the ways you can shift your approach to youth ministry:


Teenagers today have more options for social entertainment than ever before.

If you are using “fun” as the primary way to promote your youth ministry to teenagers, you’re competing in a crowded field, and your competitors have a lot more resources than you do. Students will compare your program against a dozen other fun options, and too often, you’ll lose out.

Sure, every youth group is going to have an element of fun. Of course. But that is not what’s going to get students to show up.

So, what’s will?

Persuade students to attend because they’ll get to be a part of something that matters, because they’ll be a part of something real, and because they’ll belong to something eternal…

…they won’t have anything else to compare it to.

Imagine you’d just had a rough week at school.

You’re a 17-year-old junior, and you’re caught in the pressures of choosing colleges.

You’ve got options about how to spend your evening, and just going to sleep is absolutely one of them.

Then your small group leader shoots you a text:

I hope you can make it to youth group tonight! We’re playing dodgeball! It’s going to be great. 

But what if the text said this?

I know you’re busy with college stuff, praying for you, bud. Hope you’ll be at youth tonight, I’d love to take five minutes to hear about your week.

That’s different. That’s an adult that cares.

These kinds of meaningful interactions are probably already happening within your ministry. Now it’s time to emphasize them.

Your ministry can be the place where students are most cared for, where they feel most valued, and where they feel freest to be themselves.

Your ministry can be the place where students feel safest to ask questions, most supported in times of difficulty, and most prayed for in times of strife.

Your ministry won’t be the most fun, but it will be the place where teenagers discover who they are and “Whose” they are.

In fact, it probably already is.

How do you attract students to something real and meaningful if you can’t capture it in a rad video or colorful flyer? You talk to them about it.

You train your students not to testify about how great youth group is, but instead to testify to how it changed their lives.

When you send materials home to parents, emphasize stories of lives changes, truth shared, and God moving, not just the craziest games you’ve played in the last month.

Most of all, every time you communicate anything, ask yourself this question –

“Am I promoting my youth group based on how fun it is? Or how much it matters?”

Always choose the second.

Your youth ministry is already doing amazing and meaningful things.

Now you’ve just got to make sure you’re telling that story.

Next, let’s look at another shift in mindset. 


(There are exceptions to this rule, which I address below.)

If you’re dealing with parents, who don’t prioritize church attendance, service, and small groups…

…you’re going to have an immensely difficult time instilling those values and practices into their students.

There are several reasons for this, but there are two that are most important:

First, teenagers are more like their parents than they want to admit.

They pray (or don’t pray) like their parents. They act like their parents. They value what their parents value, and they usually don’t value what their parents don’t.

Second, parents still do most of the driving around.

If a parent doesn’t see the value in small groups or regular church attendance, they’re not going to go out of their way to drive their kids to and from things that they don’t think are important.

Bottom line: You likely won’t see a student much more often than your pastor sees his parents.

What does a youth ministry leader do?

Well, you could spearhead a congregation-wide movement to end spiritual apathy, engaging grandparents, parents, teenagers, and children with a sudden and immediate Gospel message that truly transforms lives, priorities, and family calendars.

(Then, when you figure out exactly how to do that, write a book, make a million dollars, and move somewhere warm.)

Or you could try the only solution that I’ve ever found to impact the lives of teenagers more than you are right now…

Focus on the time you have with the student instead of dwelling on the time they’ve missed.

Maybe the student only comes once a month for two hours. Do everything you can to put maximum value into those two hours.

The truth is that sometimes there’s nothing you can do to make a student more involved with your ministry. But what you can do is make sure that it means something to him when he is there. 

What about students whose parents don’t attend church?

Being the parent of teenagers is exhausting. Most parents want help with the many complexities of raising teenagers. That’s where you come in.

Do what you can to help parents with their parenting struggles. Host family seminars, send emails/texts, do social media posts for parents, and suggest books to help parents navigate the issues they struggle with most. 

Some of those might include:

  • Educating and helping parents navigate their teen’s social media.
  • Tips on how to deal with teenage drinking, dating, or driving.
  • Help parents understand the developmental stages of teens.

Start having conversations with parents, asking about their most significant parenting problems. What keeps them up at night? What’s going on with their teenager right now? 

Then, look for ways you can help.

Parents will see the importance of your ministry for their teenagers, whether they attend church or not, when you help them with the issues that they struggle with the most. 

Now, let’s look at another shift in mindset that needs to take place.


Look for ways outside of scheduled programs to meet up with students. 

Get together after school 1-1 or with 3-4 students at a time. Do simple things like meet up at a coffee shop or go eat some tacos somewhere. 

Most of you do this, and you train volunteers to do the same. The shift in mindset here is that we don’t give these kinds of interactions the same weight as we do youth group attendance. 

The truth is they have equal, sometimes more, impact as all the programs our ministry offers. 


We hope that is true for you after reading the ideas we shared here. 

We hope you see things from a different perspective now, and as a result, are challenged to do something different. 

– Aaron Helman & Nick Diliberto


  1. Christian Dossou Nonvide
    • November 26, 2019

    Great stuff here that I needed to read. Thank you.

  2. Selena
    • November 26, 2019

    This article is amazing and so resourceful. I cant wait to try some of the tips.

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Christine Johnson
      • January 6, 2020

      Thank you sooooo much. Your article is very resourceful. I will definitely use to boost our youth meetings in 2020. God bless

  3. Mickey Leapley
    • November 26, 2019

    Thank you for this! I have several Youth who are involved in local theatre. They occasionally miss Wednesday or Sunday evening gatherings because of this. It’s frustrating. I have others who miss for various reason. But I realize my situation is not unique. You’ve given some great ideas!

  4. Maureen Lecount
    • November 26, 2019

    I agree students participation at times is difficult. My Church is suffering with getting students to join our ministry. I working on reaching out to parents that doesn’t attend Church to send their children or youth to Church. I offered home or library sessions. In my search for help, I found your program and I am waiting to get the funds to purchase your complete bundle. You will be hearing from me soon. Thanks for your emails.

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Nick Diliberto
      • November 26, 2019

      Maureen…that’s awesome!

  5. Kris
    • November 26, 2019

    Just what I needed today. Was getting discouraged but you’ve given me some amazing ideas. Thank you!

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Tom
      • January 9, 2020

      This is awesome. Very good article. Thank you and may the Lord bless you abundantly

  6. Helen
    • November 26, 2019

    Thanks for the reminder. We shifted our programme this term to deliberately have a less energetic programme so that we could chat more to the young people. We have noticed that those who come are coming more regularly and we think its because we are spending better time with them.
    Love the comment about teens being more like their parents than they’d like to admit!

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Nick Diliberto
      • November 26, 2019

      Helen, what a great idea. Good work!

  7. Esther
    • November 26, 2019

    very helpful tips. Will try them. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Lou
    • November 26, 2019

    Thank you helpful tips for that society and environment. However the challenge is greater for a developing society who has limited places for socialization outside of church buildings. It is somewhat assuring to know that youth leaders all over has the challenge of attendance in this modern society. I encourage that ideas from the Holy Spirit will be the solution. So lets seek and listen. Be encouraged !!.

  9. Pam
    • November 26, 2019

    You guys are so in tune and I appreciate you so so much. I don’t like “curriculum” BUT I LOVE YOUR LESSONS!!!!! Thank you for helping me to think in a different way!

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Nick Diliberto
      • November 27, 2019

      Pam…you’re awesome!

  10. Pippa Mitchell
    • November 27, 2019

    Very wise and encouraging. Good to read that others struggle, too! Attendance from youngsters is pretty terrible at our church, despite all my efforts, but I have a meet up at a coffee shop weekly with some youngsters – admittedly, it fits with their schedules (after school, before choir practice) but that’s fine – they are massively overscheduled and we just eat, and chat and unwind. I have grand ideas for discussions but they rarely take off, they just like being together and often unburdening about their week in a safe space

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Nick Diliberto
      • November 27, 2019

      Pippa now that’s a great idea! You have to meet them where they’re at. Great job!!

  11. Ntobeko
    • November 27, 2019

    This was really helpful and insightful

  12. LaShandra
    • December 3, 2019

    This was such an awesome read!!! I was thinking about getting with some of my youth 1:1 outside just to chat and check up with them and I realized that we needed to reach out to parents to let them know that our youth ministry is a tool/resource for them. After reading this I realized I was on the right track!!! The Holy Spirit led me to your blog post for a much needed confirmation. 🙂 Thanks!!

  13. Jennifer
    • December 4, 2019

    I really appreciate the article and to know I’m not the only one with this struggle. I think it’s easy to blame ourselves and our ability as a Youth Pastor/Director for low attendance. I think you hit the nail on the head regarding youth mimicking parents church involvement. It’s sad this has become an epidemic. I pretty much grew up in my church, started attending when I was 15. Our youth nights were packed (at least 20-30 youth every Wednesday evening) but then a again our Sanctuary was also full of parents attending mid-week Service. Today I’ve had to change the day we meet at least 3 times due to significantly low attendance. We went from Wednesday to Friday night. But I got a few complaints about youth in sports having to wake up early Saturday’s for competitions so now we meet on Sundays. A day where there is no sports, no traffic and really no excuse not to come, it’s slightly better but not there yet, I find that sadly no matter what parents are making it difficult for the youth to commit to church related activities. This is definitely more of a spiritual battle than anything and one I hope we’re all fighting with prayer. Any suggestions for Part Time Leaders who unfortunately can’t make after school plans but still hope to connect with their youth?

    Reply 1 Response
    1. Nick Diliberto
      • December 9, 2019

      Jennifer, looks like you’re doing the best you possibly can. No time or day will be good for everyone. Keep up the good work!

  14. Cindy
    • January 14, 2020

    Thank you for these insights. I really like the concept of focusing on what matters to the youth instead of how much fun they could be having. Excellent!

  15. Troy Love
    • October 5, 2021

    Thank you for the reminder that we can offer something that truly matters, is real and eternal. You can’t top that!

    Fun or fulfilling?
    Temporary or eternal?
    Sensual or significant?

    No brainer. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!

  16. Jesse
    • June 27, 2023

    Thanks for the read. Good reminders and perspective


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