THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MINISTRY ROLLER COASTER

We had a great Sunday service in our middle school ministry a few weeks ago. The message hit home with students, which sparked a fascinating conversation with the 8th-grade guys small group that I led. The boys were focused, fully engaged in the discussion, and spoke from the heart. I went home on a high note, reflecting on what God is doing in their lives. I felt a strong sense of gratitude for being a part of their lives. 

Then came Wednesday night. During our 30-minute small group, the boys were hyper, distracted, uninterested in the discussion, and couldn’t sit still. One student even jumped out of his chair, crawled on the floor, and hid behind the couch. Another boy ripped out a loud fart during the discussion. I was frustrated and annoyed at their behavior. I did my best to control the chaos, but the craziness continued despite my efforts. At one point, I was so frustrated I almost walked out. 

Keep in mind a couple of things. I’ve been with this group for over two years and am a highly relational leader. I have a solid relationship with all of the boys. Furthermore, I pride myself on being able to manage the chaos. I have no problem leaning into my authority as their leader when needed, and 99% of the time, it works (just not this time). 

Mostly, it was the same boys on Sunday and Wednesday. 

So, what happened?

Two thoughts…

1. Middle school ministry is like riding a roller coaster, so hang on for dear life!

Despite not liking roller coasters, I once took some middle schoolers to an amusement park for their birthdays. They somehow talked me into riding a roller coaster. I hated it, and I loved it all at the same time! 

Middle school ministry is pretty much like that. You experience ups and downs, highs and lows, peaks and valleys. You sometimes love it and sometimes don’t love it.  

Developmentally, they’re going through massive amounts of change in all areas of their lives: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Middle schoolers are undergoing the second-highest amount of change in their lives! (I think #1 is from 0-2 years old). 

So, is it any wonder that middle school ministry sometimes doesn’t go as planned?

Hang in there. Enjoy the highs, and don’t get too discouraged when you experience the lows. It’s all a part of the journey. 

2. Learn to be flexible.

As I prepared for the following Wednesday night, we needed to make some changes. First, behavior expectations needed to be set in the beginning. Got it. Next, the format needed to be completely different. During the last few Wednesday nights, our usual 30 minutes of discussion just didn’t work. 

I prayed, asking God for guidance and help, and waited on him before brainstorming solutions. If I’m 100% honest, this isn’t my default mode. A lot of the time, I automatically go into problem-solving mode. But I sought God’s help this time, resting in his presence and peace beforehand. After some time, an idea popped into my head.

I decided to set up prayer stations, creating four separate sections throughout the room. One of these questions was posted at each station: What are you angry about? What are you sad about? What are you anxious about? What are you glad about? Under each question was a Bible verse. We provided index cards at each station for students to fill out the answers to the question, and they were instructed to take a moment and pray to God about each situation. We played slow worship music in the background throughout the prayer time.

God showed up! Right away, the boys were really into the experience. They took it seriously and enjoyed the space to pray about what was going on in their lives. They were all so grateful to slow down and connect with God. It was a really great night!

Final Thoughts

Do I expect next Wednesday night to go as good? Nope. The truth is I hold on less and less to any specific expectation of how everything will go on any particular Sunday or Wednesday. 

The only constant is to expect the unexpected.

All I can do is seek what God is doing and be flexible enough to join him in his activity, embracing and enjoying the highs and lows of middle school ministry.

Written by Nick Diliberto, Ministry to Youth

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